Stepping backwards

Is this what love really is?

Telling someone where you are...what you did...

CONSTANTLY

It feels more like an obligation...not something done out of personal willingness
More like a responsibility.

I've always been on my own....
This burdens me
'Reporting' my daily activities
I know he's just concerned
But I suddenly feel suffocated and roped down

He seems to only see one side of my multifaceted personality
When I turn into my 'emo' self...
His words, his assurance...doesn't tug a heart string at all
When I'm angry and frustrated, he makes me angrier...
When I want to joke around, he takes me seriously
When I want to be serious, he does the exact opposite

Where did the old him who got everything I said went to?
Where did the guy who made me smile whenever I read his messages go?
Who's this person?
I have no idea anymore.....

The past, on the other hand, decides to return and haunt me
I finally got over you and moved on...
Now you're back
And my old feeling is back too
Such a wrong time
Our timing never did match...did it?

Ever since we parted ways
A small yellow flower reminded me of you
I can never forget you...you know that too, don't you?

So please stop sucking me back into the past, please
I want to move forwards...not back
I want to forget you but keep our memories intact
While they are still beautiful and untainted

the face in the mirror

was listening to Christina Aguilera's Reflection

flash back to the 90s :)

It's true what she sings....at least for me it applies
Sometimes I'm afraid to show who I really am to people
Sometimes my act suddenly slips off...and I quickly struggle to put my mask back on
I feel I've been acting all my life
The real person has yet to be revealed

There are times when I feel my life is so boring
Compared to my friends around me
They go out with friends almost everyday
I'm not saying that I don't hang out with my friends
They are AWESOME people I absolutely love

I just feel less 'out and about' like I used to be
Unafraid to do things...to accomplish things...to be my true self and chase after my goals
After what happened a couple of years back, my tough front seems to have disappeared

I realize...I'm now more reflective and sensitive to others reactions and feelings
I've learnt to listen to others
When to speak and when not to..
In the past, I couldn't be content when there's silence
Now I know...silence symbolizes the degree of comfort you have with another person
The more comfortable you are, the less you try to impress
You just want to be yourself..not another person living in your shell


Let's try and be our true selves..
not someone else...not the imitation of your friend you're jealous of...

JUST YOURSELF :)



have a nice day~

that feeling.....

why is it that i sometimes feel he isn't listening?
i feel this nagging feeling that
he doesn't feel the way that he claims to be feeling

sometimes he just seems to be playing with my heart strings
his words doesn't feel as sincere as it used to be
his voice sounds as if he has an ulterior motive for calling

when he talks about his life, i sometimes cannot find a connection
like the sparks people feel...or the mutual understanding

i feel irritated every time he misses my point
it's like he doesn't get me like he used to
aren't we supposed to understand each other more?

what is love anyway?
how do we know we've got it or not?
how do we know it actually exists or it's a fabric of someone's over-exaggeration?
am i supposed to feel it immediately?
i still have no idea about this feeling....i just feel burdened
it's as if i have to support and care for someone else as well.....
i can't handle myself properly already and i'm supposed to commit?
FYI i have no commitment problems...
just trust issues.