When???

When can I be free?

When can I fly up into the sky?

When can I lose all these heavy chains?

When can I live with no bounds?

When can I sit at a beach during sunset and write to my heart's content?

When can I eat chocolate without worrying about weight?

When can I dream without worrying about something at work?


*sigh*

The Day My First Love Ended

HEEEEEEEEEE

Yesh!! I wrapped up my first (one-sided) love of eh...3 years?

Seeing him after so long....
I surprisingly felt nothing XD
Except for some feeling of familiarity and fondness
That's amazingly ALL

I expected something more dramatic from myself...
Yeah...I expected to come home in tears knowing that he's got someone now
LOL..so dramatic

Well, the someone he has is like this ah-ma-zing girl~~
She looks intelligent and thoughtful too ^^
Pretty tooooooo....

Oh dear...I sound like I like her more than him

OOPPPSSS :D

After watching the movie today,
it kind of woke me up from my fantasy of what's happening in my relationship now
The guy 'Victor' seemed very much like me...busy doing things that make myself happy
The girl 'Sophie' is so much like my 'him'...
He's always putting 1000% into this relationship
But I don't seem to bother much
I do what I want...when I want
I constantly hurt his feelings these days...
It doesn't feel right anymore

I get pissed off at those little things he does
I get angry and frustrated when he's not there when I want him to be
I ignore him when he's here
I try my best to sympathize with his daily grudgings..but I always fall short
There's always others who can help him more than me
Because I always think that if we can't help ourselves..who's going to help us?
I've never taken people's help for granted so I seldom ask for it..
Unless..I'm despo or we're really close

I don't think it's fair for him
For him to have someone as nonchalant as me...
Either I hate to be tied down
or I'm not used to this lovey-dovey stuff

But saying goodbye as early as now...
wouldn't be right either...
would it??

U.R.G.H.

URGH

You're MIA again as always....

I'm so pissed off that I don't even want to see your contact number flashing on my phone

Some people might comment that I'm fussy over these unimportant details
But these little details are the ones I cherish..
Maybe you don't..but I Do
It makes me feel the least bit important

I keep having these nagging thoughts about some people you claim you're just friends with
When I ask you...you keep trying to assure me that it's just a friend-friend relationship
"I'm close with her because I knew her for a very long time"

Personally...I think it's BULLSHIT
and I let it show...

You keep asking me about those guys on my FaceBook
I say that they're my classmates...and you don't believe me
Shouldn't I be doing the same with you??
Hmm??

Now...I just avoid from looking at your profile and whatever posts you do
What you don't know won't kill you right?
I never knew the L word is so....so....easy to utter for you
For anyone?????

SORRY...saying ILY to any Tom, Dick or Harry is SO NOT MY STYLE OK?
I'll say it only when I mean it
Plus..I'm going to say it when I want to...not when I need to
SO STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT!!!!

P/S I'm NOT one of those girls who shows pouty faces & sulk when they don't get what they want and act all cutesy-mutesy or whatever crap those bimbos do.. I AM NORMAL and I want to STAY NORMAL...

I'm not going to be all besotted with the likes of you...
I won't be that girl who slit her wrists because of a lame argument...

Those to me...is a show of weakness
Either that or...they're really in dire need of PROPER attention
These people seriously need counselling or theraphy
YES THEY DO



So far in my life...there was only 1 person I felt connected to
and sadly or maybe fortunately..we've gone our separate ways...

He knows and I know...wrong timing...

Stepping backwards

Is this what love really is?

Telling someone where you are...what you did...

CONSTANTLY

It feels more like an obligation...not something done out of personal willingness
More like a responsibility.

I've always been on my own....
This burdens me
'Reporting' my daily activities
I know he's just concerned
But I suddenly feel suffocated and roped down

He seems to only see one side of my multifaceted personality
When I turn into my 'emo' self...
His words, his assurance...doesn't tug a heart string at all
When I'm angry and frustrated, he makes me angrier...
When I want to joke around, he takes me seriously
When I want to be serious, he does the exact opposite

Where did the old him who got everything I said went to?
Where did the guy who made me smile whenever I read his messages go?
Who's this person?
I have no idea anymore.....

The past, on the other hand, decides to return and haunt me
I finally got over you and moved on...
Now you're back
And my old feeling is back too
Such a wrong time
Our timing never did match...did it?

Ever since we parted ways
A small yellow flower reminded me of you
I can never forget you...you know that too, don't you?

So please stop sucking me back into the past, please
I want to move forwards...not back
I want to forget you but keep our memories intact
While they are still beautiful and untainted

the face in the mirror

was listening to Christina Aguilera's Reflection

flash back to the 90s :)

It's true what she sings....at least for me it applies
Sometimes I'm afraid to show who I really am to people
Sometimes my act suddenly slips off...and I quickly struggle to put my mask back on
I feel I've been acting all my life
The real person has yet to be revealed

There are times when I feel my life is so boring
Compared to my friends around me
They go out with friends almost everyday
I'm not saying that I don't hang out with my friends
They are AWESOME people I absolutely love

I just feel less 'out and about' like I used to be
Unafraid to do things...to accomplish things...to be my true self and chase after my goals
After what happened a couple of years back, my tough front seems to have disappeared

I realize...I'm now more reflective and sensitive to others reactions and feelings
I've learnt to listen to others
When to speak and when not to..
In the past, I couldn't be content when there's silence
Now I know...silence symbolizes the degree of comfort you have with another person
The more comfortable you are, the less you try to impress
You just want to be yourself..not another person living in your shell


Let's try and be our true selves..
not someone else...not the imitation of your friend you're jealous of...

JUST YOURSELF :)



have a nice day~

that feeling.....

why is it that i sometimes feel he isn't listening?
i feel this nagging feeling that
he doesn't feel the way that he claims to be feeling

sometimes he just seems to be playing with my heart strings
his words doesn't feel as sincere as it used to be
his voice sounds as if he has an ulterior motive for calling

when he talks about his life, i sometimes cannot find a connection
like the sparks people feel...or the mutual understanding

i feel irritated every time he misses my point
it's like he doesn't get me like he used to
aren't we supposed to understand each other more?

what is love anyway?
how do we know we've got it or not?
how do we know it actually exists or it's a fabric of someone's over-exaggeration?
am i supposed to feel it immediately?
i still have no idea about this feeling....i just feel burdened
it's as if i have to support and care for someone else as well.....
i can't handle myself properly already and i'm supposed to commit?
FYI i have no commitment problems...
just trust issues.

the people I hate most....

What’s the use of having a best friend

When she’s changing for the worse

And she doesn’t want to listen when you try to tell her?

It’s super irritating you know

When she jeers at you for doing something petty

While she does something more dramatic

She irritates you to the core

Until you feel like smacking her in the face

And telling her to get lost

Where has my best friend gone to?

In her place is a super drama queen

Acting like those girls she despised in the past

She’s turned into one of them

AND those unknowns in your Facebook

Who’s a friend of your friend you added out of kindness

And the pure spirit of making ‘more’ friends

They come and bullshit around like they ACTUALLY know you

What the hell is wrong with these people?

You want to block them with all your might...

But it isn’t ‘nice’

What’s so bad about deleting and blocking someone on Facebook anyway?

Do you actually know these people?

NO

Do you actually want to continue being friends with them?

HELL NO

So.....hit Delete and Block User...

TA-DA

One less irritating ‘friend’

an awesome first post i know...

well it's about the mess in my life anyway ^^

so enjoy~ whoever you are

plus i doubt anyone sees this~